A friend of mine, who has recently begun blogging about his journey as he deals with a major health issue, shared a post today in honor of nurses week. It got me thinking, while I would never compare officiating to a career in which those wonderful men and women saves lives, officiating does share one thing in common with nursing – it’s an incredibly unappreciated profession. And;
IT’S HARD.
One of the things that used to make me angry but now, sad, is when someone needs the gym questions our integrity. I’ve realized that this isn’t about your integrity, it’s about their worldview. Recently, we have people famous and not, in every career, age, race, religion, location, etc, taking less personal responsibility. Even about things that don’t even matter, but matter to them – like youth sporting events. It’s certainly not all, and it’s not even the majority of people. Imagine what it must be like to walk around believing that a grown adult gives up hours of their life, after working a 9-5 to get berated so they can cheat a bunch of children playing a game. For any number to people believe this, makes me morose.
Enough with the frustration, this post is called Weekend Wisdom so here’s what I’ve got:
DON’T TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU.
You may have noticed I’ve taken some weeks off and it’s because I personally am terrible about this. It’s an unfortunate consequence of being passionate about something: it’s very tough to compartmentalize. My father didn’t love his job, he cared about it, always wanted to do well, but didn’t bring it home in the same way that I do. Doing something you love as work (even officiating) is a blessing, but it can also be a curse if you let it. Decide for yourself how long you’re going to think about a game, and then let it go. Try to schedule your time in a way that helps you let go, getting dinner or having a phone call with a friend can help you transition back into civilian life.
What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think – or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?
Remember who and what matters.
We’re not there for the fan in the top row who thinks they saw the play better than we did right on it with a great angle. We are there for the players (in most of our cases who are kids) and to some level the coaches. We’re not there to get every call right, whenever I have a difficult game I always ask myself “Did the right team win?” I’ll never be 100% on calls, but to this day I’m 100% on having the right team win. Don’t be a prisoner of the moment either…the calls made in the first quarter matter just as much as the call at the buzzer.
“When you’re passionate about something, you want it to be all it can be. But in the endgame of life, I fundamentally believe the key to happiness is letting go of that idea of perfection.” – Debra Messing
UNDERSTAND PLAYERS AND COACHES MOTIVES.
Most of us played our respective sports at some level. Players and coaches are out there competing to win. The last thing my football crew chief used to say before we left the locker room: “Remember, this game is their Super Bowl.” As a young man or woman, how you play and whether your team wins a game might be the most important thing in your life that season that week or that night. It’s hard, if not impossible to be impartial when this is the case. It’s a blessing to have a sporting event be the most important thing in your life, but again it can also be a curse. And, parents want it just as bad for their kids, even if they’ve hopefully gained the perspective that it’s just a game, nobody wants to see their kid unhappy. Coaches are trying to help their team win. The best lesson I ever learned is that coaches are rarely actually upset about the call you just made, they are working to get in your head to try to get the next one. Once you understand what a coach is trying to do, it’s easier to keep them out of your head and not take anything personally.
“I have trouble with letting go. That’s my problem.” – Kevin Gates
Have some perspective. We never know what others are dealing with. The kid who blows up out of nowhere might have parents who are divorcing, the coach who won’t stop riding you has a sick spouse. The only reason they are out there that night because they believe it’s a distraction from whatever they are going to. For some, they may only be out there for the routine of it, because they’ve been playing this game their whole life and they don’t know what else to do. It would be nice if fans, players and coaches extended us the same courtesy, but we have to live with it.
Remind yourself why you love it. One of my favorite calls to make in basketball is a five-second call. There’s a lot of reasons. It rewards playing good defense without fouling. It sends a message to players that taking gambles that often result in fouls is not the only way to cause a turnover. But mostly it’s this: The kids who get them are usually like I was as a player. The kid who isn’t the most talented but just wants to play. The kid who busts his butt to get in the court a few minutes while a more talented player rests. The kid who’s going to go on the be successful because he knows how to identify a niche and work hard. A lot of times when I call a block on a 50/50 play, a coach will start what he has to say with “my kid worked hard to get in position and you put a foul on him anyway.” Whenever a coach brings up their players effort my response always starts by acknowledging that fact. “Coach your kids are working their butts off out here and I appreciate that, but that time they just didn’t get to the spot.” It’s a win-win. I get to tell a coach they’re wrong while complimenting their players (and therefore the coach). Sometimes it can be hard, but there are rarely gonna be nights where everyone in the gym is a complete jerk. And on those nights, I find myself looking for a park to go shoot baskets myself and remember a time when a basketball game felt like life and death.
“There’s a victory in letting go of your expectations.” – Mike White
