Quid Pro Quo – 16th Century Latin:
something that is given or taken in something for return else
2/1/2004 – Super Bowl Sunday: Freeport, NY:
The Patriots were playing the Panthers, and I was with my cousins. We had different parents, but they damn near were my siblings, for I’m an only child – through and through. I never had brother’s and sister’s that were possessive like an apostrophe, yet they were the closest thing to. That day, before the game, I was upset at all of them. The details are fuzzy, but what I do remember was that I was asking for help to move out of my house, and in with my oldest cousin, Ron, where we ended up watching the Patriots win two straight. Ron was my idol – he got me into hats, he got me into sneakers, and he got me out of situations that would get me upset, including this one I’m about to describe.
It concerned my other two cousins, who were hesitant of helping me. I was upset because I spent my whole day helping them 2 July’s ago, on the 4th no less, moving them from Suffolk County all the way to Queens, NY. They couldn’t help me; I didn’t understand why. They didn’t give me a good reason why. Like the Eagles, I can’t tell you why.
When they asked me it was not. Even. A. Question.
Ron broke it down to me, had cloth talk.
You helped them, but you can’t expect them to do the same for you, or for anyone for that matter. YOU are you. They are them. They don’t think the same way you do, and vice versa.
My life changed that day.
It takes work to think this way, because many relationships in officiating are transactional. Sometimes, an assignor is in a jam and you are there, right there, to unjam it. The unjamming becomes a relationship and an subconscious way of feeling like they owe you something. But do they?
“Shorty, say what’s your price
Just to back it up
You can hold my ice
Now lets say you owe me something.”
– NaS
As much as the officiating game is transactional, the aim should never be a quid pro quo. Sure you helped someone out there. Get credit from the universe. Know that you helped someone in need, don’t hold that over your head.
DESPISE THE FREE LUNCH.
Recently I’ve had people concurrently help, outside of me, new officials, that are just starting out in the game. Both of our information and intel are free; I know for me, I’ve never asked for anything for free, with one exception – I always ask that the officials that end up becoming successful veterans in this game pay it forward to the next information. As the other official helped my mentee concurrently, he inexplicably stopped. We have no rhyme or reason why. Perhaps he thought there was an attachment to his services. Nonetheless, it left me and my mentee flummoxed by the other mentor’s actions – to the point, that I wasn’t sure he wanted to really help in the first place.
If you are in that position, please, ask for nothing in return. Surely that if you put that energy in the universe, the God’s, God, or whatever-you-believe-in will hear you and pay you back in multifold. Trust.
“What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence.”
– Robert Greene
DISPENSE INFORMATION FOR FREE. ASK FOR NOTHING IN RETURN
I can’t stress this enough. You don’t want favors being owed on people’s head, it takes the halo out of yours. People will notice that you are a beacon and resource for information, a conduit to get someone to get to where they need to go. And often when we build a network of helping each other, we can grow together and help each other in places that we need help in, and other opportunities that didn’t exist.
“No Pressure, NO QUID PRO QUO.” – President Trump
Image: The River. To protect
Yourself or to save the resource,
You dam it up. Soon, however,
The waters become dank and
Pestilent. Only the foulest
Forms of life can live in such
Stagnant waters; nothing
Travels on them, all commerce
stops. Destroy the dam. When
Water flows and circulates, it
Generates abundance, wealth, and
Power in ever larger circles. The
River must flood periodically
For good things to flourish.
Until tomorrow.
